1. What worries you? Not some blatant project stuff but bigger deal issues. "How do I learn enough here to make a lot more money in a few years" or "I don't understand how our product is going to make money in this environment". Stuff like that is probably on your mind in some way (unless you are an unthinking dolt, but you wouldn't be asking this if you were) - get it out there and gain perspective.

2. Blind spots. You know how everyone in your life has some stupid thing that holds them back that they are oblivious to but is obvious to everyone else? You have it too. Find a way to convince your manager that you can tolerate real feedback and ask them about this. It will make your life better way beyond work.

3. Find out what worries them. Maybe in some way you can help them deal with stuff "beyond your pay grade" - your pay grade will eventually have to catch up :)

4. This should have been number one - get to know them as a person and help them get to know you.

Good luck. Doing any of these will put you on an exponential growth pattern compared to others.

1. Meta-level discussions/sounding board on what I'm currently chewing on as it relates to my job. ex: "I came across a discussion that I observed with my mentor (at a past job) and his peer. I saw that my mentor was prone providing harmful/useless-speculation when critiquing someone's project. It made me reflect on how I $HABIT_A, $HABIT_B, and $HABIT_C in my interactions; I want to change it." This point is dependent on your relationship with your manager and whether or not they have the patience to listen to this type of navel gazing. I've been fortunate enough to have managers that don't mind this.

2. Pain points. This is what good managers typically want to hear. They want to hear what is keeping you from performing your job to the fullest. Is there anything that they can head off for you. Is there anything that they can take off your plate (or put more of, on) to help?

3. Getting to know them better. As a reporter to my manager I work on trying to bring up little things. It's smalltalk, but moves mountains in terms of breaking the forms and molds of manager/reporter relationships. One of my managers has a daughter in soccer, and mine is as well. We talk about soccer and the best way to stay warm during the practices. Little things.

When I 1-1 with my reports I’m looking to see where their mind is this week and what they’re struggling with, so I can figure out how I can help them.

The small talk is more important than many people give it credit for. Finding common ground and having a mutually friendly relationship makes the above conversations so much easier on both of us. We’re both more comfortable and more willing to be transparent and genuine.

Sometimes specific title requirements preclude this (e.g. "We don't give new people X title immediately"), but it's a good rule of thumb.

It makes yearly pay bumps much easier for your manager to justify ("So-and-so is well within salary ranges for their title"), versus them having to fight for an exception to policy.

People would find out about this and would leave resenting that they are underpaid.

Your hiring manager usually doesn't care, as long as there aren't any req:title limitation issues, because it attracts you and generates less paperwork on their side.

Reserve the right for both of you to end 1:1’s early.

Once you remove that expectation, you’ll get a lot more out of it. All of the advice in this thread is great too.

I'd rather get the manager to be a partner in helping me figure out what I should want.

I will say that there does have to be some "meet in the middle" with this entire exchange. If my directs aren't interested in 1:1s, the meeting won't be effective.

If I was your manager, I’d tell you that while your problem about setting career goals is real, your framing of the problem as something I the manager should tell you what your goal is is backwards. I’m not living your life, you are. The path of least resistance for me is to let you stagnate right where you are and then tell you you’re perfectly happy if I wanted to gaslight you, but then I’d be a shitty manager.

What I should do is tease out shat motivates you and how that aligns to what we need as an org, not just my team. I may not be able to give you want you want, but I can help put you on that path.

Seriously, if you need mentorship, reach out. I’m easy to find.

They don’t know! I didn’t when I was a young dev; still don’t if I’m honest. And for years all I ever really wanted a manager to say was ‘here’s a pathway I could see you going down’.

If there is one thing mentors and managers can usefully do it is to stop asking stuff like ‘what motivates you?’ and start saying ‘you might be good at X’

All very empowering manager buddy stuff.

To a junior developer, sitting across the table, it all sounds like

I can't do anything for you. If you don't know what you want to do, you're a failure. I don't even know what you do here.

What I want to hear from a manager who understands me:

Here are the pathways open to you. Here's where I see you fitting in. Here's what you could be doing in a few years. Here's what I'd like to see you achieve.

Maturity comes through experience, including talking to others about their experience. Some candid or honest appraisals, insights, and anecdotes from bosses are useful for that.

Watching a previous boss lose their mind taking care of boardroom struggles and powerplays convinced me to stay out of management -- for the better. I'd have never built that career path without discussing it with him, extensively.

What's coming down the pipeline next quarter that you can try to claim instead of having it go by default to a more senior member on the team? Can you pair with them on that work if you aren't yet ready to do it on your own? Seniors are often looking for mentorship and teaching opportunities as those are skills they need to develop to make it to Manager or Staff if they're interested in continuing to advance their own careers.

One of my worst managers blew off 1:1s with all of his reports for months. Being naïve, I didn’t even raise this with his manager. I should have.

I’ll say this about him. His skill at managing up was inversely proportional to his skill at managing down.

This is a cynical view of 1:1 time. I've always felt like a 1:1 is a time to bond with my manager, and look out for my own needs so I can make the most of my career.

Today I am a manager and I can hand on heart say I am at the service of the people I support. I am not telling them how to spend their time, I am not trying to know everything they are doing, I am there to listen, assist, and fill in organizational gaps to keep things moving and keep ICs unblocked.

Engineers are smart people perfectly capable of outthinking me, they are relied on for keeping their own work on track but to ask for help (maybe in a 1:1!) when they need it.

My work is done when everyone is happy and productive, 1:1s help me do my job and my job is to provide support, advice, consultation, and communication between the business and my team. I don't know how I could possibly make sure everyone has what they need, is working toward goals they care about, feel valued and heard, without regular 1:1s. If I were an IC and my manager didn't check in with me regularly I would not feel like I was part of something, managers help glue teams together because no one else on the team is going to do that.

With a bad boss, the 1:1 is a regular compulsory reminder of who is the boss, and gives the boss something to do.

My 1:1s are not all on the same cadence, and some of them end up spending more time on general rambling than others, but it means that there’s a known space where people who report to me know they have my time and can just bring up whatever. Notably, I do not use 1:1 time to ask tactical questions about projects that are ongoing, there’s other existing channels for project status tracking.

Agree with this completely, and is something I always introduce straight away with my team.

If someone stops me in the corridor / sends a slack to say "Jim's tapping drives me nuts" (as a lame example), then it's now a big thing. I have to stop what I'm doing to establish how much of a problem it actually is, and how soon I need to deal with the issue. It takes a lot to interrupt someone for something that potentially is a small, yet personally important thing, so people are less inclined to do it.

If instead, at the end of a regular scheduled one on one, as we're winding down, at the inevitable "anything else" stage, someone mentions "oh, yeah, small thing, but Jim's tapping drives me nuts", then we can discuss and establish a path forward in an open environment. Invariably they feel listened to, we can decide a way to approach the issue, and it's far less dramatic.

I think this is a significant part of the 1-on-1: to catch problems when they're small / solvable, rather than only recognising the problem when it's beyond the point of repair.

A "just raise the problem if you have it" only works if people have high psychological safety.

Though, if in the 1-on-1 the reportee doesn't feel confident raising issues/concerns (or aspirations), then I'd agree the 1-on-1 is useless.

When I run 1:1s I end up scheduling them for 45 minutes, but target them for ~25-30 minutes. The extra time is there for when we need to go long without forcing a hard stop too quickly.

- There are some people who just won't speak up or request an ad-hoc 1-on-1 if something is wrong. It's just a personality thing. I can use this time to ask them about things and try and get them to open up. I have two people on my team where the world could be on fire and if I asked them how things were going they'd say "fine". Direct 1:1 time with them is super valuable for me to dig in a bit. - Especially now that we're remote 1:1s allow for us to handle a lot of little things that aren't super important all at once. "I don't understand how to submit and expense report even though I read the documentation". It doesn't make sense to have a specific meeting for that since it's going to take 5 minutes, let's just tackle it in the 1:1. - As my team has gotten bigger, a lot of my information starts to come through the same few people. I rely heavily on my project leads for updates which means everything is filtered through them. 1:1s give me a chance to hear other people's opinions on things without them being filtered. - I use this time to discuss career and personal goals. "What do you want to work on next?", "Here's a plan to line you up for a promotion next year". - I'm never going to force to chit chat about our lives if they don't want to, but I have multiple people on my team who want to have some sort of connection to the people they work with. There are some people who half our 1:1 is talking about travel or sports.

Honestly, my philosophy is our 1:1 is your (direct reports) time. You provide the agenda and you tell me what you need. If you want to cancel it every time, that's fine. If you want to spend 30 minutes talking about our weekends, that's also fine.

I would amend this to "If they want to cancel it every time, that's fine".

I personally think its best to keep 1-1 availability as consistent as possible. Always be available to spend the time and avoid last minute changes to the meeting. The time is an opportunity for the direct report as well. If they want to cancel, that is fine. Same with whether they want to use the whole slot or only 5 minutes. Cancellations and changes from the manager side may throw plans askew since reports might be hanging onto something to unleash during the time.

What kind of things do you ask them. wondering if you have some examples. Trying to get some ideas.

You have to open up first. Share what you’re comfortable with sharing. If you don’t share and make yourself vulnerable first, they will never open up. You have lower the risk for them.

Once you have established that rapport, then they’ll do it. Your report will mimic you based on how you run the meeting. It also has the advantage of making hard conversations easier.

So for example a conversation may go like this:

-----

Me: Hey, so you've been on project X for a month now. How are you feeling about it?

Report: It's good.

Me: I know this is the first time you're using Y technology. Are you finding the ramp up easy?

Report: Yeah. It's not too bad.

Me: That's great! I remember when I was working in that codebase it took me forever to understand Z component. What did you think of that?

Report: Oh, yeah. I worked in there, it was fine.

Me: Just fine? Is there anything we could do to make it easier for the next person we onboard?

Report: No, I don't think so.

Me: Oh, okay. Well I know Team Lead was looking into refactoring that code and updating the docs and she was looking for suggestions. If you're saying the component is good as it is, I might tell her that we should delay that until later this year.

Report: Well actually...

-----

Basically first I tried to relate to them a bit and share my experience. My hope is that if they are worried about looking dumb or incompetent in front of their peers, this defuses that

Second, I tried to ask something open ended. If they're just kind of on auto pilot, asking something that can't be answered with a yes/no answer can help shake them out of that.

Third, I put words in their mouth and just labeled them with an opinion they might or might not have. I don't love this one because it can feel a little manipulative, but I'm trying to get them to take a position and understand the consequences of not taking a position. It's kind of the equivalent of sending an email saying "I'm going to do X unless you tell me not to". At this point, either they agree with what you said and you can hold them to that or they have to give you an alternate opinion. Again, not my favorite tactic so I only use it on things that matter, but it works really well.

Another way of approaching that third attempt that feels a little less manipulative is "From my perspective it looks like XYZ. What do you think about that?"

> One story has it that when Seymour Cray was asked by management to provide detailed one-year and five-year plans for his next machine, he simply wrote, "Five-year goal: Build the biggest computer in the world. One year goal: One-fifth of the above." And another time, when expected to write a multi-page detailed status report for the company executives, Cray's two sentence report read: "Activity is progressing satisfactorily as outlined under the June plan. There have been no significant changes or deviations from the June plan."

I myself am a mid-level manager. I have 1x1s with my employees. I also have 1x1 with my manager (the CTO).

I personally look forward to my 1x1 with my manager, the CTO, each week. I find them very useful. Without them we always meet in the context of other projects and often around other people. Having dedicated time to talk one-on-one is very nice.

I know that my employees enjoy one-on-ones with me, because by default I generally only schedule them biweekly (every-other-week). But many of my employees go over on time each meeting and many of them request meeting weekly.

We discuss goals, difficulties, challenges, successes, and often even personal things (only when provoked by the employee, I never ask personal questions or personal topics myself). The 1 on 1 meetings are the best true barometer for how an employee is doing. Some employees might be overwhelmed, but don't show it in other meetings. 1 on 1 meetings give me an idea for how they are truly feeling. I might even invite them for time off (we have unlimited PTO) when hearing things in 1x1s.

A bad manager might make 1x1s worthless. If that's the case you should look at other teams or companies. Life is too short to work under bad managers.

As a manager, I DESPISED doing 1v1s at my old company. We don't do them at my new company. It's an incredible waste of time. Create a culture that allows employees to come to you when THEY need to. If this isn't within the realm of possibility, at least make 1v1s optional for employees that just don't have anything to discuss every 1-2 weeks. Some people just like to do their jobs and get paid. As a manager, you should be able to see what your people are working on. If you have questions about it, ask them. But for the love of god, don't schedule a recurring meeting just so they can tell you things that are easily gleaned by reading a git commit.

Some people will say that this isn't required with a good company culture, but when people are involved nothing is perfect. Maintaining positive culture requires work. Recurring 1-1s are the bread and butter of management and in my experience the work pays off by staying ahead of things and preventing minor issues from turning into major issues.

When I did 1:1's I had lunch (on the company's dime) with the team member. If they wanted to bring up something work related, that was their opportunity. I might bring up some general news about the team or company if I wanted their comments on it without a crowd around. Some asked for raises, brought up need for new training or interest in another kind of task within the company. With some we just chatted about video games and whatever for the duration.

The point is to accommodate people who are not comfortable contacting you directly about issues or feel that they can bring them up in a group. When you have a regular routine meeting with them that has no real set agenda, they know that in the next two weeks they'll have an opportunity to bring any issues to you in an informal setting.

Yes, the dream team is one that can just raise their hand and bring up any issue at any time, either in private or in public. But those teams need to be grown and the trust needs to be there. Nobody wants to be ridiculed for saying bringing something up in public.

This was my interpretation of the comment I was replying to. Here's what they wrote "A good people-person manager can get the employee to bring up things they otherwise wouldn't think of.". To me, that's a nice way of saying poke and prod. I'm not advocating for that.

> When I did 1:1's I had lunch (on the company's dime) with the team member. If they wanted to bring up something work related, that was their opportunity. I might bring up some general news about the team or company if I wanted their comments on it without a crowd around. Some asked for raises, brought up need for new training or interest in another kind of task within the company. With some we just chatted about video games and whatever for the duration.

That sounds fine to me, but why schedule a recurring meeting to do this? I'm not against meeting up with people and shooting the shit. I'm not against bringing up and discussing issues. I'm not against helping someone grow and flourish in their career. What I'm saying is that 1v1s are a horrible way to do any of those things. Recurring meetings in general are a horrible way to get anything constructive done. My suggestion is to be more proactive in how you manage. Don't wait for a 1v1 to discuss things. It's the same for all-hands. I despise all-hands meetings with a passion. It's a horribly inefficient way of setting company-wide expectations, doing an announcement, or whatever it is executive teams use all-hands for now.

> The point is to accommodate people who are not comfortable contacting you directly about issues or feel that they can bring them up in a group. When you have a regular routine meeting with them that has no real set agenda, they know that in the next two weeks they'll have an opportunity to bring any issues to you in an informal setting.

This is incredibly easily solved by having open office hours. It achieves the same goal without the stress inducing event sitting on the employee's calendar for them to worry about hours before and after the meeting.

It's like having regular meetings with a mentor, coach, or even a counsellor. I find these meetings to be very useful because the discussion inevitably leads to revelations that I would otherwise not have thought of. Could they have been discovered ad-hoc? Some of them, maybe. But it would be a coin toss with the hundreds of other distractions and responsibilities tugging us from every direction. Even with my spouse, I've found that having regular meetings where we sit down and really talk about things has been extremely helpful.

That being said, everyone runs 1:1s differently and I've been on some really bad 1:1s that had no value or always ended with a negative, bitter taste in my mouth. I use it as an opportunity to connect personally and to provide coaching and mentoring towards their goals, especially when they align with company goals. I then poke and prod in a way to really get at what the other person is thinking and feeling, what they are struggling with, and ultimately what the root cause of the problems are. The key in my mind is to surface issues that would otherwise not be discussed, and normalize it. I then work diligently with them to make sure we're addressing those issues, and if I have action items to report back to them on how I've been able to make progress. 1:1s are definitely not the only way of approaching this, but the one I've found the most effective.

Granted, some individuals are very vocal and constantly raise and discuss issues outside of the 1:1s to the point where we don't need them as frequently. For them I just push out the schedule more and have them less frequently, or we just use the extra time to again, build that relationship.

If you’re poking and prodding, you’re doing 1:1s wrong. You should talk to your manager or HR about how to run effective 1:1s. If these resources aren’t available, you need to reach out to others managers at the company or in the community.

Lastly, this doesn’t imply that it’s a sign of desperation, but reach out to your reports. Ask them if they think the meetings are effective, and raise your concerns. They’re an equal partner in this meeting, and should be for their benefit just as much, if not more than your benefit.

Honestly, given your comment, “But for the love of god, don't schedule a recurring meeting just so they can tell you things that are easily gleaned by reading a git commit.” tells me that you don’t actually understand what an effective 1:1, nor team meeting is. If you’re stuck a dramatic reading of the status reports, you failed to set the expectations of the meeting, and should learn how to run effective meeting. There are literal books written about this.

Reach out if you need help.

You're misrepresenting what I said, and are being disingenuous. See my comment here → https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=34332925 - I was not advocating for poking or prodding.

> Lastly, this doesn’t imply that it’s a sign of desperation, but reach out to your reports. Ask them if they think the meetings are effective, and raise your concerns. They’re an equal partner in this meeting, and should be for their benefit just as much, if not more than your benefit.

Thanks for the incredibly obvious advice.

> Honestly, given your comment, “But for the love of god, don't schedule a recurring meeting just so they can tell you things that are easily gleaned by reading a git commit.” tells me that you don’t actually understand what an effective 1:1, nor team meeting is. If you’re stuck a dramatic reading of the status reports, you failed to set the expectations of the meeting, and should learn how to run effective meeting. There are literal books written about this.

I'm being absolutely serious. I do not believe effective meetings exist. At least not how meetings are typically defined in the modern workplace. They are solely for the purpose of creating the illusion of work. I've read many literal books on the topic, and believe them all to be mostly trash.

as manager you got to smell it out. 1-1s are great for that.

Interesting though, and now you say it I realise the submitter also wrote '1-on-1s'.

This is great advice in general but regular 1v1s give you a forum to proactively ask employees how things are going, which can help you detect problems quieter employees are having that they might not be willing to raise themselves. Some people are conditioned not to complain, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're happy.

As a manager it is critically important that I have a sense of what my staff is doing. New assignments come in all the time that require quick turnaround. I need to know who on my staff is available for such projects.

OK, we'll just have to agree to disagree on that.

But I'm not a huge fan of standups either, don't get me wrong. They aren't a great use of time, I just think they are better than weekly 1:1s to communicate things like "what I'm working on" or "what's blocking me."

- The staff/personnel manager is there for managing the engineers and getting their time allocated to projects. The 1:1s are for these managers to understand their engineers' skills, weaknesses, goals, and direction for growth/development so they can effectively allocate them.

- The team leads and project managers participate in standups so that the teams can effectively operate, work gets done, and project leadership knows what is happening.

The division makes sense when you have a lot of projects which may only be funded for parts of the year or where development isn't regular. Doubly so in industries which have a legal requirement for strong compartmentalization of knowledge & involvement. In these environments, your team leads, project managers, and standups will change like hats over the course of weeks, months, and years while you likely will only change personnel managers and 1:1s a few times over the course of a decade.

2. Why would 1:1 be a waste of time, but a standup isn't?

3. I am not "regularly interrupting people," this is a regularly scheduled 1:1. Why is that an interruption, but a standup isn't?

But to be fair on the first point, you were replying directly to someone who is (obviously), so it's a reasonable assumption.

However, even at that, long before I was involved in software development I still hated the redundant reporting of status and availability in repeated verbally or specially-prepared status reports. Do you really not have any system to track all of these work requests? To fit them into project plans using transparent and queryable project management tools? Do you wait to make assignments until you've had the week's 1:1 with everyone? How do requesters or other stakeholders know the status of requests--don't you track that?

Even if it's a spreadsheet with statuses and comments it still seems like this should be continuously updated, not once a week; and available to interested parties for transparency (so you don't have to have the meeting with your boss or other stakeholders where you imperfectly regurgitate what has already been said in 1:1s). Having one-on-one verbal conversations to repeat status and assignments at a snail's pace to each other, up and down the chain, is something I find very annoying.

I don't think 1:1s are a "waste of time", I just think it's a waste to do status reporting and work allocation using anything other than an agreed-upon tool. The tool might need to be reinforced by verbal meetings, depending on the employee, because different people need managed in different ways. So yeah, there are people who need to be told what to do and be reminded to use a tool, of course.

Which is why I think a 1:1 is the time do things differently depending on what each employee needs (since your group meetings are not individualized), and they should probably have the most influence in what you do in a 1:1. Some people need to talk about feelings. I like to use it as a brief social connection, to build social trust and rapport at work--for me, that's much more valuable than status updates. Others maybe need to review the work that they're doing.

That has been my experience, at least, I am somewhat of an acquired taste, personality wise, and often unwillingly unaware of my effect on others, or bad habits I might slip into. Having regular 1-on-1s gives manager opportunity to give me early feedback.

It also gives me a regular chance to 1) ask for help with interpersonal things I struggle with and 2) get positive feedback, when I manage, to everyone's surprised, to not fuck things up.

All of that depends hugely on the manager, of course. If your manager is using this time to check on your regular work, or give you tasks ... there might not be hope for this job. Maybe you can talk to them, maybe to their boss, but it smells like just a bad culture, that you're better of leaving than trying to fix.

That is exactly why ongoing meetings are important. If you only do rare ad-hoc meetings, you have established a relationship where you don't talk to your boss. Everything runs through processes, everything seems fine, you guys don't talk... until one day you need a talk and it is a big change to the status quo.

If you don't get value from regular 1:1s, fine - make them a 30 second pit stop of, "Everything is still fine, talk to you in 2 weeks". But you really should have that ongoing quick check so that you have an established point in time to change your answer and say, "We need to talk about X."

However, often, before you can have a meaningful conversation with your manager you need to have build some sort of relationship first. By having a scheduled based (e.g. every two weeks) 1:1's will allow you to create a report with your manager. You can talk about anything, doesn't have to be work, can be hobby etc. Try to find a common interest. Maybe you're both games or rock climbers. Whatever. The main point is that you create a relationship with your manager in which you feel that you can talk to this person.

I have 1:1's with my team members and often we just talk about what we did on the weekend. It's not the objective to drag your personal life into your work environment but its to create a meaningful trust relationship. Once that is established you can have a meaningful conversation that could lean more towards your feelings.

As a manager and/or team lead, one of the worst things is to have an unhappy person on your team.

Edit: PS, forgot to add. Its best that the manager you have 1:1's with is not a person who you work with on a day to day basis. I.e. not your project/team lead e.g. but someone unrelated to your daily efforts.

A good manager should already know what the team is doing. And that shouldn't be the point of the 1-1.

As a manager I believe part of my job is to run interference for my team. It's better for me to be in a bunch of meetings than my team. But this also means I have a potentially crowded schedule. I have recurring bi-weekly 1-1s with each of my team members so they know that they are important as an individual and that I am guaranteeing them time with me every two weeks. This time is for them and about them. If we don't have anything to discuss we don't mee or sometimes it's only 5 minutes. But they know w that the time si there for them.

I use these meetings to see how they are doing, not what they are doing. How are you and your spouse doing with the new baby? How is your child's college search going? I think it's important to have an idea of where they are as a person to help understand how they are doing at work and how I might help make things better.

With periodic 1:1s, the manager has already allocated time to listen to you, so it's easier to talk about what's going on: sometimes it's important stuff, others not that much, but there's communication.

However, it can get bad if people wait for the 1:1s to address important which should be taken care of before.

Also: introversion != lack of motivation or overall perspective

I personally doubt introversion has much to do with the parent comment. Several bad leaders over time can easily jade a person's perspective towards their leadership, ESPECIALLY if they end up discussing daily operations during their 1-on-1 instead of the big picture.

The 1:1 should be for meaningful conversation. Get to know each other as people via casual conversations. A mini retro on a project. Deep dive into something that went well. An FYI on an issue with a lot of nuance. Answering individual questions about that big Wednesday announcement. An onboarding track of conversations for relatively new team members. Expectation setting for the future of the project, team, or company. Feedback on something that could be improved. Raising a concern from the direct report.

There should always be a running agenda and anyone can add to it. If there is nothing to talk about, you skip. But have a cadence. In a remote company these are more important than in physical office environments.

Running good 1:1s is a skill that can be honed. If anyone is interested in learning, I’d be happy to chat. Contact info in profile.

Don't feel bad about 'blowing your trumpet' or complaining; that's exactly the time to do it!

My manager and I skip our 1:1s more often than we have them, and when we do, it's usually just a hang-out session.

We meet once every two weeks, and most of the time is just talking about random things we found neat.

However, there are times when another team is being difficult and I need help 'navigating the business'. These meetings are super valuable for that.

I can provide more in-depth information on the situation as a whole, and we can work on a plan - without needlessly involving the rest of our team.

When I do have an actual topic it’s to ask about company politics- I need X, who can make that happen - or something like when I wanted to transition to fully remote

I know this is a glib take, and it's somewhat tongue in cheek but tech jobs in general are well paid enough to at least make a plan to retire in your 40s. I don't think you'll necessarily get there with a "chill" approach, you'll need to be ambitious and smart with investments to make the most of it.

Something else to think about; retiring in your 40s means you are not necessarily even half way through your life these days, so you'll need to work hard enough to pay for the second half of your life. That means you may never make big purchases beyond a home, may not have money for hobbies, or vacations. I mean, life is expensive for the average person, even if you are bringing in $200k+ right now. I feel like we may see early retirees from the 2020s looking for work again in 20 years time.

Investing well is critical, but also a gamble. I know people who have been saving their whole lives into a pension plan only to have it wiped out later in life.

Both likely. It comes off authoritative, without much backup. And if you are going to retire in your 40s' being in tech is certainly going to help and most members are in that field. I also think a lot of people in tech have a similar plan.

I did not downvote, but I think the FUD in your message overshadowed the point you were trying to make.

2. Here are my blockers. (Can you help clear the way so I can do my work?)

3. Here's what's going on in my life (relationship building, context for manager to understand your work and capacity)

1 and 2 should be daily/biweekly/weekly check-ins either via a stand up or by a message/email, they do not warrant a 1-on-1 and wastes people's time to make managers feel better.

3 seems like it could be abused by a manager and feels a little forced by the sounds of it. Does the manager share equally about their availability to act accordingly?

Think of it more like "oh yeah my kid just started soccer at school", "we found this neat new restaurant", etc. It's relationship building. Work is more fun when you like the people you work with!

Some people communicate or receive feedback better in person/video than over email, and that's okay!

I've enjoyed sharing some war stories in my experience volunteering at various places.

I'll totally talk for hours about any number of topics.

I've also done what's probably "life coaching". There are a lot of things I've learned managing a mental illness. Not a therapist, but I know a lot of the techniques and what's worked for me or other people.

Be careful about playing work therapist, it can lead to boundaries getting blurred in a way that becomes detrimental to the relationship and ultimately your career over the long run.

If someone really needs help, the most I'll do is spend 15 minutes showing them how to find a suitable professional.

It's really stressful trying to prod someone to get their life back together when they clearly need professional help and maybe medication.

I'm an engineer, I'm not built to be a life coach in any way.

Only close friends get my time and energy. (Coworkers are not friends.) Even then, I've got firm boundaries. I'll be there when I can but I'm nobody's emotional support dog. :)

As soon as you add management into the mix, people get cagey and the standup becomes less effective.

I'm a PM now and I run my team's standups, but even that may not be ideal depending on the perception of PMs within the organization. I think it's great when there's a tech lead or senior team member who wants to do the job -- they have the authority and experience to resolve issues quickly, but are still perceived as a collaborator, not a supervisor.

But I openly acknowledge that PM can be perceived as a tentacle of management, which is why I said it's not necessarily right to follow my current example.

I have never seen this in 20+ years of work.

Management is supposed to be in the standup to help remove blockers.

Scrum Masters should also be just a member of the team, not a "master" per se.

The addition of management always turns it into a status update.

I wasn’t yet taught why managers do nothing when you have long-standing discontent :)

As an employee, I use it as an opportunity to discuss (demand) a reshape of my own objectives in response to emerging/evolving work, discuss what I want in form of support, and candidly discuss things I've heard on the grapevine but am not prepared to discuss with a wider audience. I also use it as a place to ask the possibly "dumb" questions and observations that I don't know if I want my peers hearing just yet. I'm also senior enough that I have confidential projects and knowledge I am prohibited from sharing so this is my one place to blab safely.

A) Get info from my manager that they don’t necessarily want broadcast (speculation/uncommitted plans, inside perspective on what went down on something, etc…). Depends on the manager and your relationship, but I’d say 75%+ of my managers have been willing to give me info 1-1 that I wouldn’t get in a large setting.

B) Updates/discussions about side projects or other things that don’t fit into our other forums- putting together the holiday party, interviews, putting together team training, wild prototype/hackathon projects etc…

C) Advice on non-technical problems- “I’m trying to engage bob’s team for help, but their responses are very slow.”

D) Feedback and coaching- “I thought our delivery of X went well, but I missed Y’s dependency on us. Any thoughts on how I/we could have done better?”

E) Socializing/ relationship building. If you can, bond with that person, share stories about vacations/kids/ interests. My job can be a bit lonely and some days just talking can be the best use of time

F) Nothing- totally fine if we cancel our 1-1 occasionally, especially if we’ve already had ad hoc meetings.

If the company is big enough, you can maintain an evolving map of your team’s dependencies and contributions to other teams, then compare notes with your manager about this model vs reality. That’s one way to orient tasks within a larger business context, and it provides an ongoing topic which accrues over time into a joint asset.

If you're not having interesting conversation directly related to your work during 1:1s, it's likely that things are going well for you, or you have a bad manager.

Assuming you don't have a bad manager, then they would be discussing things that aren't going well with you. So if that's not the case, then you're doing fine. Use the 1:1 as a chance to talk about your backgrounds, interesting things you've noticed at work, eventual improvements you would back, possible cost savings opportunities, etc.

Don’t only surface what you did (I view that as the boring back up conversation). Surface what you need. Surface challenges you’ve faced. Surface decisions that are on your horizon. Surface what you want.

Your manager can’t read your mind, but you have 30m to help them act as if they can.

As a manager I schedule them once per month with my team and for 30 minutes and don't stress if they run short or long. It is their time to tell me about anything that they need to talk about. Most times we have a short, 15-minute chat and call it good. Last month I had one dev tell me that they were stressed beyond belief, not sleeping well, not eating well, and not happy. I've made sure to keep in touch with that one more often and provide help where I can (lower stress issues, mention company programs, etc.) IMO weekly gets old really fast and the manager should be able to recognize that and adjust accordingly. You do that for new people (like yourself) until they get settled in and are working as expected on code. After that you dial the meetings back gradually until they are as unobtrusive as possible but still within company requirements.

Often times managers have much richer insight in to other managers or where the department is going, but would be unprofessional to share that candidly with a whole team. Getting some unvarnished perspective has been seriously helpful for me to understand what's coming or learn how to 'play the politics'

Similarly they've been useful for me to practice some gentle negotiation - 'what do I have to do/show to get x on my year-end review' or 'I'm looking for x raise, how can I build a business case to convince you'. Whether or not they say yes right away, it's always insightful as to how the performance review system really works.

I've had all of those things happen as an IC and as a manager and they seem like common sense to me.

As an IC, the majority of my one on one time with my manager would be spent covering what I'm currently working on and if there's any problems that the manager could solve as well as looking at work down the line from a high level to see if there was anything I'm especially interested in.

As a manager, I wished all of the direct reports would ask more questions or have more input but I would usually cover the what I would want to talk about as an IC as well as try and be transparent about things going on on the business side that may not have been communicated well enough in my opinion.

And then there would usually be some time spent talking about personal stuff depending on how close I am with the manager/IC. One IC was someone I was/am pretty friendly with and we'd talk about different pop culture things going on. Another usually had some kind of family stuff they were dealing with so I'd offer an ear and some support. And some I just didn't get along with that well personally so we'd leave it at work discussions which is also totally fine.

* 10 minutes shooting the shit

* 5 minutes (or less) getting status updates

* 15 minutes (or remaining time) on 'how can I help you' type stuff

I like this agenda because:

* I work remotely and don't get as much time as I'd like relationship building. The purpose of the 1:1 can be, all else removed, a chance to have a friendly conversation where I get to know someone better. It's great for everyone's mental health (my own included), and it can also be great for understanding people's areas of strength, work-related interests, and career goals.

* I try to get as much as I can in terms of status updates from automated means. Project tracking, internal docs, git repo, build tool, etc, are all sources of information for me to know where things are. Occasionally I miss things and ask about them during 1:1, but generally I don't like to treat 1:1's as a chance to get status updates. This is a problem best solved using tools, and our time is precious, so if I'm spending >5m on this during a 1:1 it might be a sign of an issue.

* Understanding where I can help the person is where I like to spend the bulk of my time during a 1:1. This can be unstructured, and help can be in various forms. Unblocking something, helping make a decision, providing information, helping mediate or resolve a dispute, provide feedback on something being considered, etc. Sometimes there's nothing, but in a majority of my 1:1's there's something to talk about here.

I'm happy to end a 1:1 early if we run out of things in the above agenda to talk about. I'd say 50% of the time I end 1:1's around 5 minutes early.

Lastly, I'd say if you're not sure if you're using your 1:1 time productively, it's not a bad use of your 1:1 time to talk about it.

1. What do I need to do to get my next promotion/payrise, or how do I get onto the next bit of interesting work? Even if I'm happy with my current work and compensation, I use this as an opportunity to constantly make clear what my personal objectives are.

2. How well am I tracking against Q1?

3. How do you suggest I improve on Q2? If I have things I know are pushing down on Q2, I will ask for help.

In addition, I tend to use them for managing upwards - setting expectations, and making clear where I need something from my manager.

Remember: your manager works for you, their job is to enable you.

imo you shouldnt feel like you need to fill the entire allotted time every week (just reach out that morning and say something like 'no big updates this week, ok to cancel?'), and it's a great time to also align calendars and set agendas for deeper dives if you do need more time

i wouldnt see it as 'blowing your trumpet', this may be the only honest exposure your manager gets to your project some times, since others on the team are probably also on their plate

1) Pleasantries about our kids/family/how our last vacation was/etc. for a minute.

2) Any questions I have for her, which usually mean questions about corporate policies or procedures, or questions like, "I need to know about project X, who would be a good contact", or things like, "I need to accomplish Y, usually I would do it like this, but how is that done here".

3) Any context she has for me that she got at higher level management meetings that I need to know.

4) Occasionally status updates on projects she is every interested in or that her management is asking about so she can be ready to answer them.

5) Every fourth or so meeting (roughly monthly) we talk about career development, projects that might be good to get involved in with high visibility or impact, etc.

When I was a manager managing more junior folks, they were something like this:

1) Talk about family/friends/etc. sometimes for 20+ minutes, however long they wanted to talk. Especially during COVID, I was sometimes the only person they talked to during the week.

2) Demo of their work since the last meeting -- UX demo or code review, whatever they want feedback on, if anything. Then I would give them product feedback or code feedback.

3) Context for their next task. They would either tell me what they want to do next or ask me and I would give them suggestions for next tasks and why each is important to the business and let them choose.

4) Anything else I can help with.

For senior folks, we'd usually skip #2 unless they wanted specific feedback.

The commonality was context. I operate better with more context, and so do people who work for me, so I see the main job as a manager is a conduit for context -- why are we doing the work we are doing.

As a veteran of several industry-winters, I have to expect some down-voters are in for a rude awakening over the next few years.

its usually just a reminder about how many things are causing context switching and how that limits productivity

1. The most value I get is when people complain. It can be about the tech stack or about processes or lack of change. I then choose whether to solve the problem or teach the individual how to solve (coaching or teaching).

2. When the individual uses me to make organizational change happen. This usually happens with managers or staff engineers.

3. Gives me enough context to pull on threads and refactor the organization.

If you don't wanna do any of that and we don't even have fun stuff to talk about (once a month'ish) then I end the convo early.

Also, I often tell employees that it's their time, not my time and to come armed with topics and I'll do the same. But not everyone does this so I end early maybe 20% of the time.

https://randsinrepose.com/archives/the-update-the-vent-and-t...

- No detailed work stuff. That's not for this meeting

- How are you doing overall in the company/team etc ? (I am looking to understand if you still want to be with us and if not, why not)

- What is working well so far that wants you to keep doing what you do. This should come from both sides

- What is not working well that you need help with so that you can do better. This should come from both sides

- Are you on the right path in the team/company ?

- As the manager, what can I do better which I don't do today ? This can be tricky but I want honest answers and I give honest answers to expect the same.

Most importantly: 1:1 is more about the person, the individual and not the output as an employee.

Edit (after getting 14 upvotes): My 1on1 is about monthly to quarterly btw. Weekly is a bit much if you ask me. Maybe good to say that my "team-lead" is not my PO or project manager, we have a matrix structure. In ways she is a colleague, but on the management axis she is "above" me.

Another edit: I'm in one project for .2 FTE, that manager wants to see me 1on1 every 2 weeks so that's after 2 days of work. Thinking about that project, I feel OP's pain. I keep pushing this person towards team meeting that I could join occasionally, somehow, he's not having it. Luckily he is certainly not responsible for my promotion, that's the manager from part 1.

Our 1:1 structure is based off the CEO's suggested 1:1 format[1] and was something I put together because I wanted more structure. From what I've heard, members of my team have different formats with the same manager.

1. Check-In - personal check-ins on life

2. Discuss/Help/Review - items I need my manager to help or advice with, issues we need to discuss, or updates on projects related to OKRs

3. FYI/Think - items I'm thinking about or working on that manager may not be aware of. We don't always vocalize this section, sometimes its there for me to showcase things I'm considered e.g I think it would be cool to work on X, but I don't have a plan yet.

4. What’s going well: a celebration or something to my credit

5. What could go better: item that could've gone better

6. Action Items: any TODO items for myself or manager

When there isn't a lot to discuss due to a quiet week or larger projects ongoing, my manager will check in on how I feel about my role, work, and capacity. It's helpful because I often get caught up in the day to day and it's hel,pful

[1]https://about.gitlab.com/handbook/leadership/1-1/suggested-a...

Clarify what is important (not just urgent) and why it's important. Present progress on key items, as your manager should be able to identify things you had not thought of. That should not require a deep dive. Highlight potential escalations. If you have a problem that requires your managers attention, also present a potential solution, then listen and hopefully learn.

Each quarter it's a good idea to revisit your yearly objectives, and progression towards these goals, which is the perfect time to also blow your own trumpet and ask for feedback on what you could do better.

Promotions and pay raises are often more about relationships with both your manager and his peers, so ask how you can increase your visibility across the organization. What problems can you help solve outside your day job?

If you aren't getting anything valuable out of the meeting, it's OK to just chat about personal stuff, or be silent and let the manager drive. Some managers are fantastic, and some managers are frankly in the wrong job.

“Sideways,” by definition, is not predictable. E.g., one of my people, many years ago, was harassed by another employee. If we hadn’t had a good relationship they may not have said anything to me.

The part that isn’t relationship-building is either (a) fire detection, or (b) career growth. Fire detection: I want to find signs of fires as early as possible; often they smolder for a long time before bursting into flames. Career growth: I want my people to be able to learn, grow, and progress without having to find a new job first.

Other commenters have said — and I agree — that tracking work is often done better in other contexts.

I keep a running list of things that I need to talk to my manager about. I pull top 2-3 things off this list for each 1-1. And once a month I talk about career progress. Basically closing "gaps" especially if you're in a BigCo there's often a list of expectations that might be surprising (e.g. must do N interviews) and i'd like to see what I can do to close them.

Things on my list might include - Things I did that went well, and didn't go well. - Venting - Ideas I'd like to bounce off him. - Things that frustrated me (but dont block me yet) and seeing if he can help. - Ideas for new things me or my team could do. - Questions on who I should talk to for X thing.

My golden rule is never, ever use a 1-1 for project status updates. I'll provide one if asked but otherwise this is time for me.

We usually start with some of the things I'm working on and some of the things I just finished. If I have some questions, I usually wait for this time to ask them. This really helps the rest of the week because I know I have this upcoming time and I don't need to seek her out to have a question answered. I will have her undivided attention in a couple of days.

About a month ago or so, I didn't have much work stuff to talk about, so I tried to cut is short. She seemed disappointed so I now make a point to also talk about non-work topics once the work stuff is done.

I think it really helps build our team.

1. What you're working on 2. Blockers (or how the manager can help with those) 3. Anything going on with you which could impact your work

In my current role, people are highly autonomous. 1:1 being held once every 2 weeks, or once a month is enough. Once a week is way too high touch.

1. Discuss with your manager if it's ok to cancel when you don't have anything to talk about. Sometimes it's all fine.

2. If you're unsure of what to speak about, ask the manager to bring up what he wants you to talk about. My current one always ask me to rate my "happiness" with things are going, I like it as a starting point.

3. Try to reframe how you see your complaints. Part of our jobs is to complain: to notice the problems and to bring them up to the ones with decision power to fix it. I try to always put my complaining in this light, both because I think it helps how others see me, but also because it helps me to identify better what is a genuine problem and what is just a personal annoyance.

We ponder a lot on self reflection and self-improvement. There is no 'agenda'. I like to think it's more of a flow state discussion combined with a good chemistry where there is no notion of being judged. The room quickly becomes a safe place to talk about anything and everything.

Sometimes, we would talk about how things are going in my personal life. How has my sleep been. Am I mindful of the things that could be holding me back? If yes, what am I doing to unblock myself. If not, he pushes me to the right direction of thinking and I strike gold. Every time.

Soemtimes, we 'thonk': he brings up very tough questions:

- The last time you cried, was it out of emotional pain or remorse?

- If you could chose, who would be your ideal sibling?

We both answer, we both discuss.

I think we're both suckers of productivity and these 'sessions' activates my brain on a whole new level. Which is the main muscle for knowledge workers like us.

I would have these 1:1s twice a week. But I also know his calendar looks like Van Gogh's artwork. ---

Here's why I never talk about work with him:

- I am fine unblocking myself at work. If I'm dependent on another team, I talk to the team and I resolve it. I include him on a barely negligible threshold.

- I seldom complain about tasks I'm working on. Understand this: not every task is going to be exciting (how else will you differentiate between the boring ones?). It's a task. It's come to pass.

- I seldom bring up people and compatibility mismatches with my team. If I do bring up, it is to validate whether the way I resolved it could be better.

- I bring up salary. But I also know he is not my employer. We both report to the same employer.

I think the reason we work (I like to think I'm very difficult to manage..) is because I put myself into his shoes when I ask him for help/support.

* Talk about what you observed your colleagues had been working on, just to get some team context and make sure you aren't too narrowly focused on your own work.

* Talk about what you want to work on, in terms of your own interest and motivations, and how well you think that aligns with the business direction or any OKR/KPI that leaders care about.

* Talk about what your manager has been working on and whether there's any work your manager could usefully delegate to you.

* Talk about what your leaders (directors / VPs) are working on and whether that would have any impact on your team's work.

Also, though hopefully not often, that thing you think was so wonderful was not received that way. If that's the case, it's good to know soon so you can deal with the consequences (fix if needed, or at least learn that things like X aren't received well after all).

- Ensure that your manager understands what motivates you. This has a profound impact on the opportunities that you will receive.

- What impact have you made on the company's operations over time?

- Where do you intend to head with your career? What is your 1, 2, 5 year plan? Does not have to be set in stone but having some idea can lead to an insightful discussion.

- What opportunities lie ahead? What can you do over next 6-12 months to steer your career and maximize impact on the organization?

Do you see your manager as a mentor? Might be a great venue to seek mentorship as well.

There is nothing more annoying than trying to figure out what this person has been instructed by their manager in secret, so that if necessary you can countermand it in order to get stuff done properly.

It is a peculiarly American construct, and seems rather antiquated after experiencing modern team management style.

I'm sure there are lots of blogs and ebooks about 1:1s, but I doubt they approach them with the requisite critical mindset for a clear view, given that they themselves are a product of this somewhat anachronistic management culture - bear in mind that in the US an employee is 'owned' by the employer to a rather greater extent than in Europe.

Similar to other comments, we chat a lot about personal stuff and crack some jokes. But I also make an effort to note down things that I want to ask about. Sometimes it's about what the vibe is on the business side, sometimes it's about my career or feedback on what I did recently and sometimes I ask mundane things such as "do we have a stock image account for my presentations".

* what i'm doing this week -- literally, what is on the plate. keep it short, this should be tracked elsewhere, but never hurts to give a summary

* moderate challenge -- what is giving me trouble and may need an escalation or other resources to assist. "status: yellow" sorta stuff, not an issue yet but could be. no action items, just information.

* escalation -- stuff I need manager help with but was not on-fire enough to warrant its own call or breaking the flow. action items for the boss, basically. "I need support on $X, I need you to talk to $OTHER_TEAM to get some traction"

* what are their concerns? what are their code: yellow items and what do they need to escalate or send down to you? "We've got Project Y coming up and it will need some preliminary work on Z, can you brush up on that ASAP?"

* other general feedback, esp. related to performance. If you get fired, rebuked, celebrated publicly, or promoted it shouldn't be a surprise because you got explicit feedback as to where you're at.

(As a manager,) I do think that weekly is too frequent for my taste for a standing 1:1 once the initial relationship is established and mutual ways of working are understood. I tend to have weekly 1:1s when first working with someone new, but prefer every other. (Again, it's not about my preferences over theirs, but I'm telling you mine here.)

Everyone is different, but 30 minutes of what should be a casual conversation is hard to structure and get good use out of.

An hour every other week would be nice. It would give enough time to talk about yourself, what you've been working on, and gives enough time to open up about issues/concerns/ideas that may take a while to discuss organically.

I think 30m biweekly is more optimal. If I ever had an actually junior direct report I'd be more inclined to be more formal, available, or frequent on these, or someone who I knew to have difficulty raising issues in other settings. I've never actually had a 0-2 year experience direct report, though, as I actively try to avoid direct reports generally but particularly early-career people.

I find AARs on projects (successful and unsuccessful) to be far more useful than most of the cargo-cult-management tools. Also, having dashboards on status of various things and current blockers kept updated, ideally automatically through tools used in the workflow itself, and a clear directory of who to contact for what component.

. It is your time with the manager and not the other way. So you drive this meeting.

. It is a great opportunity to build/reinforce trust (both ways) so do not cancel them unless it is an emergency, on vacation, etc.

. Always set an agenda ahead of time and share with the manager.

. Since you seem to have a weekly 30 minutes, do not always talk about projects/operational things. It will soon get boring and you will feel like canceling the meetings.

. Is your manager open to feedback? Share where they excel. Share what you have learned from them. Also share when you expected something different than their exhibited behavior and show genuine care to understand why they did what they did (of course in a more conversational empathetic way).

These things go a long way in building trust, engagement, and relationship. A good manager will also grow from these interactions and perhaps implement similar style with other direct reports.

Lastly, [a shameless plug], if you like this and want to know more, dm me on twitter @muthax I will send a link to an app (in closed beta) we are building that helps users have meaningful 1:1 conversations.

When I start 1:1s with a new engineer, I will ask about why they took the job, what they were hoping to get out of it, and where they see themselves as going professionally. Then over the long term it's my job to make sure that they are getting what they want out of the job and staying happy enough that they stay, so I'll return to those early conversations and update them.

Lara Hogan has some good resources for managers: https://larahogan.me/resources/one-on-ones/

Regarding the OP's situation, though, it sounds like they are feeling responsible for directing the 1:1. I'd say that's a bit of a managerial failure. But answering the question directly, in the OP's shoes I might turn to broader questions. Ask about the company strategy, and how the employee's work fits in. Ask for career advice. Ask about manager's relationships with higher ups.

I'd also use the meeting to signal any feelings you have about the direction of the team/company, as well as ensuring that your view of where the work is meant to go is valid. Keeping everybody with an aligned idea of goals is important when you're collaborating.

If you feel the need for a deep dive, I'd suggest picking a single topic before hand to ensure that the 30 minutes is used effectively, but I would say that if they're a manager that getting technical is probably not the goal here. As a manager, you want to know about risks and opportunities to make future decisions. I'd aim it at that level.

I wouldn't worry about blowing your own trumpet - you're going to be your only advocate here and you'll be competing with others that do.

Other than that, just the usual gripes about weather, travel disruption and useless project managers.

Now that I'm a manager I see that everyone brings a unique sensibility to these meetings. The employee's work style, emotional temperament, ambition, project, and team dynamics all come together to form what they want to talk about. In general I try to have the employee run the meeting. It's their time to get information about what's going on in the company or give me feedback on how the team / project is progressing. As other's have stated, your manager shouldn't be leading a lot of the conversation unless they're delivering feedback on how you can improve.

It's also a time when you should be able to express yourself more directly. It is certainly ok to use this time to talk about what you are doing. That's kind of the what the manager is looking for. Ensuring there are no impediments that get glossed over in Slack exchanges or stand-ups.

You also shouldn't feel pressured to fill the entire time. Some weeks are just slow, or things are more mundane and all parties are in sync. Some weeks it feels like I need more time, depending on your manager you could schedule another sync the next day about a specific issue.

If you don't already, it may be a good idea to take daily notes, so you can do a round-up of anything that came up in the week. This will allow you to make the best use of your meeting time without forgetting important details or questions that came up.

Other than that I try to keep my one-on-ones casual and open. It's ok for there to be a little silence.

1. Are you happy with your work? I talk about what I'm proud of, what I'm bored with, what I'm putting off out of dread. We occasionally problem-solve around the third one buy usually it's a petty complaint that I need to voice before rolling up my sleeves and our meetings are early in the week.

2. Is anything in your way of making progress? I rarely have much to say because ICs at my company maintain as much fluidity as we can and I'm not shy about talking about my difficulties in public.

3. Are there any problems I'm not aware of? This is where I get an opportunity to percolate issues upwards. Sometimes bad processes make extra work, occasionally somebody's contributions are going unnoticed, etc. Sometimes this is fruitful, sometimes problems aren't going to be resolved. My manager just doesn't have that much power, but at least we've got rapport.

I frequently turn these questions around on my manager. It's good to know what's going on in his head, and I occasionally get to help problem-solve.

If you've done that in depth already maybe you have too many 1on1s.

Our 1-1s are typically 45 minutes but sometimes go longer and we have them every two weeks. OP, I would definitely ask your manager if you could change up the length and cadence if what you have isn't working for you.

We use them as a check-in on basically all aspects of my job: How is everything going, how is the team doing, how is the company doing, feedback in both directions, reviewing past performance + future goals. Put simply, if I have a formal performance review and am surprised by anything in it, especially anything negative, the 1-1s weren't doing their job.

But out of all of that, I think the absolute best way you can use your 1-1s, if you are ambitious, is to explicitly ask your manager: "Where is my performance relative to my current role, and to the role one level more senior than me? What do I need to do to progress in the direction of the latter?"

My manager and I have a spreadsheet where we track all the formal criteria written out for my role and the next role up, and my performance on each of those criteria. When all of the criteria for the role one level above mine read "meets" or "exceeds" expectations, it will be time for me to request a promotion, knowing I have clear evidence I have earned it. Simple as that. (We also keep a brag doc that's less formal but has specific concrete examples of good performance in it. Nothing wrong with "blowing your trumpet" in this context, at all.)

I very much like this system and it's worked for me well so far at my current job.

We have a template that we go through to ensure that anything can be tracked and also so we don't forget to cover anything. We don't have to cover everything in each 1:1 meeting, it is a guideline.

Importantly, I can also reach out to my manager directly for ad hoc things at any time.

We don't talk about the same things that are discussed in standup.

We do talk about my overall current and upcoming workload, any issues with my KPIs and how manager can help, any new company policies, my training goals, manager's training goals, what my plans are to take annual leave, as well as a generic "anything to discuss" section.

Then if time allows, we also chat about other things besides work.

The meeting is scheduled so isn't interrupting anything, and can be shifted around the calendar if there is high priority work happening. However we try hard to reschedule rather than skip it.

> I don't want to just keep blowing my trumpet, or just complaining.

Complaining is fine. So is general chatting. The time is basically an opportunity to discuss what is on your mind. Share new ideas. Talk about potential problems. Ask for an update on your personal growth and progression. Give feedback on your manager. Ask for feedback on your manager.

I wouldn't worry about being super efficient. The habit of regular 1-1s is what is important and building the relationship between manager and direct report. Some 1-1s will be quick and easy and over in a fraction of the time. Some will stretch the meeting time. Try keeping to natural conversation and avoid robotic responses and status updates.

Some ideas completely without context:

- make it less frequent

- make it about you! (that's the original reason for 1:1s anyway)

- pitch your ideas - what are parts of your life at work (from culture to codebase) you'd like to improve but you feel you can't?

- talk repeatedly about how to grow

- ask about what's happening in other parts of the org where you don't have good visibility

On top of that there’s how I’m feeling. And how I’m feeling about colleagues A, B and C. The best 1:1s for me have been when I feel like I’m helping my manager by giving him a heads up on things that would have otherwise surprised him, particularly about human/human interaction. In many ways, managing junior ICs must be bliss when the 1:1 is about the status of their isolated tasks. The real quagmire begins when you have relatively senior people trying to accomplish something together as a team, with your manager acting as the PM you were never assigned.

Also, some amount of ticket triage, for our sins.

1. Don't make it a status update. It's your time, and that's probably not the best use of it. 2. Spend some time figuring out what you want to get out of our 1:1s. If you don't know, tell me that, and I'm happy to work with you to figure it out. 3. End the conversation with next steps/action items. It's easy for me to say something that you interpret as a promise even if I didn't mean it that way and calling out action items explicitly is a good way to keep that from exploding into a huge problem.

With my direct reports (I am in data science, so the project timelines/structures may be a bit different), rather than ask for a status report, I will ask them if there is anything they're having trouble on/issues with. If there are issues, I help them solve and/or troubleshoot, and also demonstrate my approaches for dealing with that kind of thing. (Prefacing that this is not likely the only way, but it is a way that has worked for me.)

If there are no issues on their current project(s), then I ask for dataviz--what are they finding/working on finding/are models improving/etc.

Beyond that, it's discussions of project resourcing: are you hitting deadlines, when can we expect to wrap up this stage, etc.

Finally, if nothing else, I'll try to engage in some conversation--my style as a manager relies on ensuring the personal and work well-being of my direct reports.

OTOH, what do I talk about with my manager? Kind of the mirror image of what I expect from my direct reports:

1). Status updates on current projects

2). I'll ask for my manager's opinion on my approach to a solution. If they say it's fine, I'll note that (good for CYA); if it's not, I'll ask for their thoughts, or demonstrate having tried their way (if I have), or my estimation of the success of that approach. I try to do all of this in a way that lets me gauge how invested they are in said project. If their answer is all generalities, they're not likely super invested. If they can talk specifics, then I assume that I have support if I need it.

3). Ask if there's anything else we haven't discussed.

4). Get to know them; managers are people too, and you can help yourself by being in their good graces.

First thing I talk about is project status. Usually this is just to catch them up, but it's also a test to see where he's at in his understanding of our successes and challenges. That opens up a conversation for the next stretch of road we think we'll build (aka what should we do next quarter).

Then we'll usually talk about whatever. Twice a year I make it a point to talk about promotions and what work they're doing to help me get there. I have this conversation because most managers believe promotion work is all your work until you're promoted, then they'll claim some subset of your success for their own. This pattern reminds them if they want me to grow, they need to invest and lay plans.

Next is mostly just personal stuff. My manager is pretty adept around home repairs and I'm still learning so I usually get some good ideas from him.

For people who want to stay in their current role and just keep doing their job as well as they are paid to do it, 1-1's are like pulling teeth and a huge waste of time.

My actual manager is in my timezone and the whole team usually meet everyday for a 30 minutes daily sync, so no need for a dedicated 1-1.

Goals and objectives: Discuss your current and upcoming goals and objectives, and any challenges you're facing in achieving them. Review progress and talk about what you need from your manager to help you achieve them.

Feedback and development: Ask for feedback on your performance and areas where you can improve. Talk about what you're doing to develop your skills and any opportunities for training or development that you're interested in pursuing.

Career development: If you're interested in moving up within the company, discuss your career aspirations and any potential opportunities for advancement. Talk about what you need to do to prepare for the next step and what the company can do to support you in your career development.

Communication and alignment: Make sure that your manager is aware of what you're working on and that you're aligned with the company's goals and objectives. Communicate any problems or issues you're facing, so they can help you find a solution.

Current projects and work: Give an update on current projects and work, share any successes or difficulties, and discuss any upcoming deadlines or deliverables.

Personal and team updates: Share any personal news or updates and also, if there's any team-level update you've noticed that's worth mentioning.

It's important to keep in mind that 1-on-1 meetings are not just for discussing business-related topics, it's also about building a strong professional relationship with your manager, which is key for career development.

Finally, it's also important to remember that 30 minutes may not be enough time for deep dives into certain topics. If you feel that a 30-minute time slot is not sufficient for a topic you would like to discuss, you can request more time or schedule a follow-up meeting.

Once a week is a horrible schedule. That's a regular production killer as you need to task switch from focused work up to the corporate game level. Before the meeting I spend time thinking about what to talk about and after the meeting I need to refocus, which takes time.

During the meeting I try to keep things light and social and parse the information I share with consideration of my manager's ability to handle it. I also have to consider how my dislike for the meetings might be perceived as hostility by my manager and be harmful to my career.

Yes, I hate them.

As to what I talk about during my 1:1s, if it's not just bullshitting with my manager and building rapport, it's usually "this thing is hurting me/our team. What can we do about that?" Or "I feel like I'm kicking ass. How can we raise my awareness to the org?"

Basic questions that I would like a sync answer to and to give space for any conversations that need to happen.

With non-technical managers (which I would expect to have 1:1s in the first place):

- How it is going

- How the team is doing

- What I need

- How my life is

- How his kids are

- What I would like to see happening in the team or company

Usually if this is a team manager, he had zero insight from the daily progress or process (why should he). So to see where problems need to be solved for the team, whom to promote or move into another position, etc. can only come from such meetings. And he also needs personal, confidential opportunities for that.

Not everyone is vocal, not every team member understands what is a problem or an issue in the first place...

-- Asking about upcoming projects -- Asking about things happening in the business outside your group -- Sharing about tech that interests yo -- Discussion about his / her career goals and your own. -- Discussion about opportunities for long-term improvement in whatever you are building. -- Sportsball, social plans, and other chit chat

Basically, make it whatever you want and/or maybe even talk candidly and ask what they would like to see in your meetings so that you can come prepared and make the time worthwhile.

This goes both ways: if you're the direct report, it's best to build rapport with the manager so you can work more smoothly and especially to get that raise or promotion later on.

I guess sometimes its hard to build the relationship for some people, but often it does take time.

Good ones mentor, teach something new, explain what's happening at the company.

Bad ones give you shit in some form, inject gossip into the conversation, try to cover their ass.

In my company, we do 1-on-1s once a month for 1 hour. The manager asks questions like:

- How are you? - What's the skill that you are trying to improve this month? - How I (the manager) or the company can help you to improve this skill? -Do you feel that your responsibilities in the company are common with your personal goals?

I think that these meetings are successful when there is a clear agenda and both sides are prepared.

Personally, I feel very happy with these meetings.

That’s funny. Why would they be?

1. What's up? (chewing the fat about any relevant life topic)

2. My frustrations with the process and possible improvements.

2.1 Followup to recent changes in this area.

3. Experience with recently developed/released features.

4. Follow-up to company wide changes (related to things such as layoffs, direction changes, etc.)

I used to not be a fan of 1on1s while working on-site but since I've started full-remote it has become more valuable time for me since that's basically the most time I spend with my lead in a sprint or two.

Another theme is getting a helicopter view of what is going on with the company and the product. ICs are tend to have a tunnel vision on their tasks on hands. Getting a bigger picture helps tremendously to be more productive by forming informed decisions on the priorities.

Otherwise, we fill the rest of the 30 minutes with discussions about the weather, our hobbies, our daily lives. Given I work fully remotely and live alone (but do maintain a relatively good social life, nonetheless), this is one of the few work meetings I actually look forward to. I'm lucky that my line manager is a really nice person who shares many of my interests and hobbies as well.

We hold some in-person standup, but mostly via slack on that and we sometimes do a more impromptu video call among concerned parties. It's mainly because it helps to see each other on cam.

If there's nothing else to talk about 5 minutes into the meeting, just end with "I don't have much more to talk about today. Let's meet again next time?"

Usually takes the 15 mins for coffee

  career growth 
  collaboration / teamwork 
  engagement / morale
  feedback
  productivity

Ask them how they're doing. Ask them if they have any blockers. Ask them if how I can help them with any of their blockers. Ask them what has been done on the blockers since last meeting (if they're holdover).

Seemed to be a reliable pattern for myself at least.

Casual one on ones if you meet in the office I mostly used for chit-chat. Managers do so much heavy stuff, so keeping it light should benefit the relationship.

A LOT of employees didn’t like doing them, and this has worked very well. Issues bubble up through the counselor and managers can focus on the project

This has worked very well (I’m also at a very big bigCo)

What could have gone better

what processes need improvement

Career/personal/project growth and updates

2) Losses for the week

3) Ongoing struggles

4) Professional development

5) Is there anything I can do to make your life easier?

I prefer 1:1's to be your time. If weekly is too frequently for that, you should be allowed to schedule it on a frequency that works better for your needs.